…continued from On our present sufferings, part 5…
I’m typing this post in the midst of yet another difficult week. “Good Friday” doesn’t feel so good. We’ve felt discouraged and downright attacked this week. I can’t count the number of times Careese or I (or both of us) have been pushed to the brink of utter exhaustion—emotionally and physically—and collapsed into bed only for an alarm to go off 30 seconds later. Then, we get back out of bed, walk over to Isaiah, turn on the suction machine, clear his airway, hold his forehead in the midst of a seizure, and stare at his pulse-ox monitor waiting for his oxygen and pulse to return to a normal range. Sometimes, we go back to bed a couple minutes later. Sometimes, we go back to bed a few hours later. Sometimes, we don’t go back to bed. It’s been brutal.
When you suffer—not just a kind of “I didn’t get the promotion I was hoping for” or “my flight got delayed” type of suffering but a soul-wrenching type of suffering—you tend to connect with the deepest worries of human existence. You grapple with self and God and theology and life and death and purpose and meaning. You ask big questions. You ask hard questions. You write long and rambling posts on Substack as a way of working through it all. Ok, maybe you don’t; but I do.
When life is going well, I’ve found I’m pretty good at distracting myself from deep worries about life and death and purpose and meaning. But, when hard times come, I find myself in a Jiu-Jitsu-type theological “rolling” of sorts. In those hard times (which we find ourselves in the midst of more often than not lately) I wrestle with God. I grapple with this realization: I desperately need the wrongs on this earth to be righted. My wrongs. Your wrongs. Society’s wrongs. Everyone’s wrongs. I need justice in such a way that everything bad is killed and everything good is unleashed. I need sickness, death, pain, misery, hunger, etc. to be conquered, destroyed, defeated, and ended. Perhaps I’m wrong, but I think the same need for justice is woven into every single one of us—regardless of our background or belief system. We all need hope. We all need peace. We all need relief. We all need rest. We all need justice. We want all of those things all of the time. But, when life gets hard, we realize that we need them.
Enter Jesus. I’ll ramble on a bit about Jesus next week. For now, I’ll close with this…
Sickness is rampant; but healing is coming.
Pain is everywhere; but relief is coming.
War is devastating; but peace is coming.
Culture is broken; but restoration is coming.
My son is suffering; but joy is coming.
Tears are frequent; but justice is coming.
Exhaustion is punishing; but replenishment is coming.
It’s Friday; but Sunday is coming.
“Love is empty without justice. Justice is cruel without love....God should be both. If a god isn't, that is no God.” — Daniel Nayeri
to be continued next week…
Lord, we can’t even imagine the exhaustion and the heartbreak. Please bring these things to the Wood family that Josh so wishes for and the family so longs for - healing, relief, peace, restoration, joy, justice, replenishment. Bring Sunday, Lord. Until they come fully may your Holy Spirit come along side to give Your strength for the day, for the moment. Help them, Lord.🙏🙏
Praying with / for you all. Leaving it at that - God knows what you need that I can't even fathom to ask for on your behalf.