Genesis 2

A suitable helper

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This week, we’re in Genesis 2. There’s a lot here, but I’m going to focus on verse 18 today. That’s one of the luxuries of creating these posts. I can focus on what I want.

Here’s verse 18: “It is not good that the man should be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” (NIV)

This year I will have been married for 23 years. For me, that makes 23 years of discovering – in a variety of ways – the deep, deep truth of that Genesis 18 verse in my life.

Personally, my natural inclination is not adventure. It’s safety. It’s caution. Had I remained single, I’m confident I would have spent every waking hour holed up in some office, forever working and studying but never serving or living. My people skills would be nonexistent. I’d be an eccentric hoarder of money, information, time, and emotion. Thank God for my wife. When it comes to adventure, she is an icon. She injects excitement into our family. She stretches our comfort zones. She keeps me out of the world of theory and engaged in the much more enjoyable world of trial and failure and success and action. She is my favorite person on this planet. She is my constant motivator.

That said, God knew I needed a helper, and not in the passive, acquiescent, flattering, or subservient sense of the word. No, I needed a helper in the original Hebrew biblical sense of the word. Throughout the Old Testament, the Hebrew word for helper (ezer) used in Genesis 2:18 refers to God himself as a helper to humanity. (Special thanks to Strongs Exhaustive Concordance for that information.) Additionally, this Hebrew word for help is used in the context of military alliance and reinforcement. So, not only is the word “helper” used in the context of God helping humanity, but it is also used in a military context. What does this tell me? It tells me that God didn’t create Eve because Adam needed a trusty sidekick to help him name the animals or build a tree fort or declutter his man cave or do his laundry or make him sandwiches. He didn’t need a passenger-seat-occupying side-kick for cross-garden of Eden road trips … or a “Hey, Adam…does-this-fig-leaf-spark-joy?” questioning sidekick to help him declutter his life. No, what Adam needed—what humans needed—was a military-grade ally to bring military-grade reinforcement in a divinely inspired way. Because parenting is messy. Because life is messy. It is not good for man to be alone.

There have been seasons in life when I’ve foolishly treated my wife as though my life plans mattered more than her life plans. During these seasons, I acted as though she was created to be my helper in a passive, trusty-sidekick kind of way—like a Robin to my Batman. Like a passenger seat navigator to my driver’s seat trip commander. 23 years of marriage and almost 21 years of parenting in the trenches have taught me this: wives were not meant to be resigned to the passenger seats of life. I don’t believe that was God’s design or the biblical meaning of the word helper. I think that’s why so much tension is created when husbands assume a role of an authoritative delegator, placing themselves in the driver’s seat of life as the czar of the family while relegating their wives to the role of the ever-subservient passenger seat sidekick. Worse, sometimes husbands—myself included—don’t allow their wives a seat in the car (or in our case really large white van) at all. Instead, we keep secrets. We don’t allow them to help. We fight battles alone. That was not God’s design either. It is not good for man to be alone…or to deal with life’s challenges or sin or battles alone. Life is better with military-grade reinforcement, not side-kick subservience. To navigate life. To lovingly confront our messes. To go to battle with us and for us in the literal and figurative trenches of the depravity in our lives. It is not good for man to be alone.

Scriptures taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com The “NIV” and “New International Version” are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™